The moments after major change when we're finding our way forward are the moments when we need each other the most.

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My husband and I lived in Puerto Rico when we first got married. He was a rescue swimmer for the Coast Guard and he'd be called away all the time to help with ocean search and rescue.

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One day he came home and told me the most incredible story – and it completely shifted how I think about getting through hard times.

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There had been a small plane crash off the coast of the Dominican Republic. The pilots had been able to do what is called a "ditching" where you land the aircraft on the water. (In reality it's more of a controlled crash into the water.)

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By the time my husband arrived on scene, everyone had evacuated and had formed a circle, linking arms. They were treading water and when someone got too tired to stay above water – or they were too injured to keep themselves afloat – they could stop kicking because the other people in the circle could hold them up. This gave the tired person a chance to catch their breath and regain their strength. And then, when they were ready, they could start kicking again, giving someone else a chance to rest. This is how they all survived until the rescue team arrived on scene.

Why This Is So Hard

This story has been on my mind a lot lately because it's the opposite of what we do after major disruption.
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Think about it – something big happens and shifts everything. Our first response is to lock down, stay focused, just power through it.
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We've been taught not to burden people with our struggles. So we talk ourselves out of asking for help or letting others know what we're going through.
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And when you're already dealing with illness, divorce, job loss, or watching your life shift in ways you didn't plan for, that message gets even louder.
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You tell yourself:
If I were stronger, I'd be able to handle this.
If I were smarter, I would have seen this coming.
If I were more prepared, I wouldn't be struggling.
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So we try to work through it all by ourselves. And eventually we discover that carrying it alone is simply too heavy. We end up exhausted, keeping our head above water while also moving forward.
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The shame of needing help becomes another weight to carry. And the isolation makes everything harder.
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What Interdependence Actually Looks Like

But in reality we were never meant to do it on our own. We actually need other people to help us weather the storm because uncertainty is designed to be held collectively.
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When life shifts in ways you didn't plan for, you need people who will link arms with you. People who will hold you up when you can't keep kicking. People who understand that needing to rest isn't failure - it's part of the cycle.
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And you need to be willing to let them support you.
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Interdependence isn't about being dependent on others or losing yourself in relationships. It's about recognizing that we all have moments when we need to be held up, and moments when we have the strength to hold others. It's a constant ebb and flow, not a fixed state.
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Some days you have the energy to keep going. Some days you need to rest while others hold you. And the people in your circle need the same thing from you.
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In real life, this might look like:

- Showing up to a call with friends and saying "I don't have the capacity to give advice right now, I just need you to listen."
- Letting someone bring you dinner instead of insisting you're fine.
- Being honest about what you're navigating instead of putting on a brave face.
- Asking for what you need - time, space, presence - without apologizing for needing it.
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The circle works because everyone understands they're in this together. No one is expected to stay strong all the time. No one is judged for being tired.
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What Becomes Possible

That circle technique? It's taught in water survival classes. Those classes don't teach self-sufficiency – they teach working together because that's what keeps everyone alive.
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When someone witnesses what you're going through without trying to fix it or minimize it, it transforms the experience. The weight feels more bearable because it's distributed.
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There's something deeply healing about being in a space with people who are navigating their own version of major life change. You don't have to explain yourself or justify why you're tired. And possibility starts to open up - not because anyone has answers, but because you're seen and held while you find your own.
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You start to trust yourself again. You remember who you are underneath all the uncertainty. You find the capacity to take small steps forward because you're not using all your energy just to stay afloat.
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Community and support aren't nice-to-haves when you're navigating uncertain times. They're essential.
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Finding Your Circle

Here's the catch with interdependence: You can't practice it in isolation. You need actual people.

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Not just the idea of community, but real humans who will show up and hold you when you need it. And finding those people isn't always straightforward. Not everyone in your life will understand what you're going through. Some will want to help but won't know how. Others will be uncomfortable with uncertainty and will push you toward resolution before you're ready.
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What makes a difference is being in a space specifically designed for this. Where life has shifted for everyone, where the old answers don't work anymore, and where rest is expected, not judged.
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That's when the real shifts happen.
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You stop second-guessing yourself.
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You learn to trust your own knowing.
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You discover that the path forward doesn't require certainty - it requires people willing to navigate the unknown alongside you.
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If you're in a season where you need support, I have a variety of spaces that can hold you. Explore options here and let's chat.

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