Turning Life Upside Down
You may have noticed that there have been a few missed blog posts lately. That’s because life has turned upside down recently and I am working on getting my bearings.
(**Trigger Warning: Medical Issue — Skip to the Spirit Magic part to avoid**)
On Father’s Day here in the US, my husband went for a run and collapsed. Everyone thought it was heat exhaustion, but I heard a small voice that said, “Go to the ER.” So we did. They wanted to make sure he hadn’t hit his head and took a few scans. There was a brain bleed. He was rushed to a hospital 90 minutes away. By Wednesday, it was discovered that he has a rare type of brain tumor. Life stopped. My heart shattered. I don’t remember that day at all. However, Thursday came and it was time to move forward. We came forward to re-group and figure out what this all means.And now, I’m writing this on Sunday, still unsure of how to navigate this part of our journey.
However hard this past week has been, one thing has been constant–support from our loved ones and from Spirit. The interesting part of all of this is that the usual support I get from Spirit comes internally via meditation, journaling, cards, etc. I tune in for clarity and help. I was in such a spin this past week though, I couldn’t tune in. My mind wouldn’t settle.
I was frustrated at first. I always tell people to connect to Spirit in times like these and now I couldn’t even do it myself. And then I stopped and realized that Spirit had been communicating externally all week long:
- Accidentally finding my husband’s tumor
- Getting a wonderfully supportive and kind medical team at the regional hospital
- Receiving support from a loved one who helped connect us to a top cancer in the US
- Getting an appointment within hours to go to said center
- Finding dimes from my dad everywhere I went–him letting me know I wasn’t alone
- Receiving love and support beyond our wildest imaginations
- My mom finding a fast flight down to North Carolina to help take care of my child and pets
But after all of this, I still hadn’t been able to internally connect, so this morning I went into my office and went into meditation. If you’ve taken any of my Spirit Guide or Angel classes, you’ll know that the first thing I teach is called a “landing spot”. This is a soul destination we go to to connect with our Spirit Team. I went into my landing spot, expecting to find my Spirit Guides already there.
And to my surprise, it was completely empty.
I’ve never been to my landing spot where at least one energetic being wasn’t present, but here I was by myself. I thought, “This can’t be right. Why wouldn’t Spirit be here right now when I need them most??”
I almost started to freak out and then heard my inner voice say, “There is a reason.” I took a deep breath and leaned into the space, trusting that there was a purpose or a message in that emptiness. And there was.
Slowly, many versions of me showed up. 100s of versions—from 3 year old me to 97 year old me. They were crying or screaming or enraged or vacant or a million other emotions. Each one was a different emotional expression. I walked over to 3 year old me and picked her up to soothe her from the chaos around me. As she snuggled in, I became aware that something was happening in the spaces in between all of the “me’s”. One by one my Angels, Guides, Guardians, and Ancestors started showing up. In between each of the versions of me.
The message was clear: No matter what your age, what you’re feeling, what you’re going through, We (Spirit) are here with you in the space in between.My wisdom guide walked over and gently lifted the 3 year old me from my arms. I stood for a moments and watched all my versions be oblivious to the guides surrounding them, but the guides–the guides were there comforting, leading, loving the whole time. Even when I couldn’t feel or see them. I came out of meditation feeling like I could move forward into whatever the next adventure brings.
If you’re feeling stretched a millions ways and are losing hope, know that your guides are with you too in the in-between, even if you don’t realize it.